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Modern Craft: The Voices Author: Trevor Mayes Aug 30

Intro

Screenwriting: Modern Craft

Every few weeks I’ll showcase a modern script that does something really well. The discussion will center on a specific facet of “screenwriting craft.” It won’t be a critique of the full script.

Today’s script is…

The Voices

Genre: Black Comedy / Horror
Premise: A disturbed but well-meaning man attempts to walk the straight-and-narrow while receiving advice from his “talking” pets.
Writer: Michael R. Perry
Details: 111 pages / January 28, 2009 draft
Status: In Development / Black List 2009

Screenwriting craft — What sets this script apart?

SENSORY IMAGERY

What is Sensory Imagery? Here’s a pretty good definition:

Sensory Imagery is a writing technique based on the five senses. Using [words] to describe what is seen, heard, felt, smelled, and tasted draws the reader into the story… [T]his technique helps the reader to feel transported into the place where the story takes place by helping the reader to feel, hear, see, smell what the main character [experiences].1

Basically, the more you can evoke a reader’s five senses, the more immersive and vivid your script will feel.

Sights and sounds are obviously script mainstays (“Only what you can see and hear”). But what about the other three senses? If you’re a skilled writer like Michael R. Perry, you can also strategically evoke (or suggest) touch, taste and smell.

In this example, the protagonist Jerry, returns to the spot where a woman (Katie) has been killed. (WARNING: Graphic imagery):

EXT. WOODS – TWILIGHT

Long shadows and a light rain makes the woods look radically different from the last time Jerry was here. He carefully makes his way down the edge of the ravine, and then stumbles on something.  He looks down.

Katie’s hand sticks out from under a pile of leaves.  It’s discolored and swollen except her manicure, which is perfect.

He brushes leaves off of her; she’s been outside nearly three days and is swollen, gooey and stinky.  Further, some woods animal has started eating her stomach, none too neatly.  Jerry tries to lift up her body but gets slimed with bowel oozing, is repulsed, and drops her.

Keep In Mind

  • Enhanced sensory details like taste and smell in a script are used primarily to indicate a character’s reaction to something — hence, to show what’s happening. For example, you wouldn’t describe the aroma of a hot cup of coffee if a character isn’t savoring the experience.
  • Don’t get carried away with your scene descriptions. A little goes a long way. Only utilize sensory imagery that’s essential to a reader’s comprehension of what’s going on, or to reinforce tone. You’re writing a script, not a novel, after all.

Do you utilize all five senses in your screenwriting when appropriate?

Further Reading

Need someone to review your screenplay and give you insights that are guaranteed to make it better? Please take a look at my script services.
  1. Original Sensory Imagery definition found here. ↩
Category: Modern Craft, Writing  | 3 Comments
Quick Tip: Deus Ex Machina = Bad Author: Trevor Mayes Aug 24

Quick Screenwriting Tip

Avoid a deus ex machina ending to your story.

What is deus ex machina? According to Wikipedia:

A deus ex machina (Latin for “god out of the machine”) is a plot device whereby a seemingly inextricable problem is suddenly and abruptly solved with the contrived and unexpected intervention of some new character, ability, or object.

I feel the need to bring up this writing tip after reading Dean Koontz’ recent novel, Relentless. The ending was so contrived, so preposterous, I had to check the spelling of the author’s name twice to make sure it was indeed that Dean Koontz.

The novel was a good reminder of why it’s important to properly establish the rules of your world in the beginning of the story.

For example: If your story’s a western, with no sci-fi components, then it shouldn’t end with the hero saving the day after discovering an alien laser gun hidden inside a spittoon.

Can you think of any movies that use deus ex machina successfully?

Need someone to review your screenplay and give you insights that are guaranteed to make it better? Please take a look at my script services.

Category: Plot, Quick Tips, Writing  | 3 Comments
Modern Craft: Brad Cutter Ruined My Life… Again Author: Trevor Mayes Jul 27

Intro

Screenwriting: Modern Craft

As I mentioned in this post (where I brilliantly announced my blogging return, then promptly disappeared for a month), I thought it would be a good idea to take a look at the craft of some modern scripts that have garnered attention.

Every week or so, I’ll showcase a script that does something really well. The discussion will center on a specific facet of “screenwriting craft.” It won’t be a critique of the full script.

This week’s script is…

Brad Cutter Ruined My Life… Again

Genre: Comedy
Premise: A successful business man is forced to relive his miserable teenage years when the cool kid from his high school is hired at his company. (via IMDB)
Writer: Joe Nussbaum
Details: 112 pages / March 16, 2006 draft
Status: In Development / Black List 2006

Screenwriting craft — What sets this script apart?

CHARACTER THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS

Somewhere along the line, many screenwriters were scared into believing they should never indicate a character’s thoughts or emotions in scene description. “Only physical actions you can see!”

Obviously, physical manifestations of thoughts and emotions are mainstays of effective screenwriting. But surely, if a character is angry, shocked, embarrassed, etc., we know what that looks like too right? So it’s okay to come up with creative ways to express those thoughts or emotions when appropriate.

Now having said that, determining when it’s appropriate is an art form unto itself. What’s even trickier is coming up with ways to describe a character’s reaction or emotional state with language that’s doesn’t feel bland, and in ways that allow the reader to approach the scene from the point of view of its main character.

Joe Nussbaum is a master at this aspect of modern screenwriting craft.

Check out this script excerpt where the protagonist, Dave, is in a conference room with his boss and coworkers. The set up is that he’s been expecting a promotion to come his way for some time now.

WHITMAN

I have an important announcement to make this afternoon.  I’ve worked in this business a long time.   I’ve seen a lot of people come and go.  Hard workers, creative people, smart businessmen and women.  And it takes a lot to impress me.

Dave pumps up.  Could Whitman be announcing his promotion right now?

WHITMAN

So when I see a person with that special combination of smarts, skill, charisma and character, I jump at it.

Dave can’t believe this.  This is going to be so awesome.

WHITMAN

Every team needs a star player.  And I think I’ve found ours.

Dave could burst with excitement.

WHITMAN

He came in to interview last week and I hired him on the spot.

What?

WHITMAN

He’ll be starting on the ground floor, but I have a feeling he’ll work his way up quickly.  He arrived a few minutes ago and I sent Cathy to bring him in so you all could meet him right away.  Ladies and gentleman...

On cue, Cathy opens the door and brings in...

WHITMAN

Brad Cutter!

Holy shit!  Dave gasps.  He can’t believe it.  Standing next to Whitman is the one and only...

BRAD CUTTER

He looks great.  At thirty, he’s handsome, tanned athletic and dripping charisma.  Of course he has a full head of hair and hardly an ounce of body fat.

The women are wowed, the men are impressed, and Dave may have just swallowed his tongue.

Notice the way Nussbaum he weaves the physical (e.g. “Dave pumps up.” / “Dave gasps.”) with the internal world of the character (e.g. “Could Whitman be announcing his promotion right now?” / “He can’t believe it.”) You feel like you’re right there with poor Dave.

If memory serves, using a thought reaction as a description (e.g. “What?”) was first pioneered by Oscar-winning scribe Ron Bass. It can be a very effective technique, when used correctly.

Keep In Mind

  • Beware “unfilmables” — descriptions that are impossible to see. For example: “Herbert looks up from his meal. Wonders if he should save a piece of lettuce for his pet rabbit, Hoppsie.” How the heck are we supposed to see that on screen?
  • In amateur scripts, I commonly see a thought response and a redundant physical response, that doesn’t add any new information, in the same line (e.g. “Huh? Sally looks confused.”)
  • I’ve also heard stories of screenwriting contest readers giving negative feedback to correct uses of this technique — just because of their unfamiliarity with it.
  • You should also be careful not to interrupt every line of dialogue with description. It’s a big pet peeve of readers. In the scene excerpt above it was used for a very specific comedic effect, and is not representative of the script as a whole.

How about you? Do you utilize thoughts and emotions strategically in your writing?

Further Reading

Category: Modern Craft, Writing  | 4 Comments
Screenwriting Lessons from Mixed Martial Arts Author: Trevor Mayes Jun 12

There’s a UFC event tonight, so I thought it would be appropriate if I posted the following article I recently wrote for the Scriptwriters Network June newsletter.

***

The Mixed Martial Arts Screenwriter

The Mixed Martial Arts Screenwriter

Mixed martial arts (MMA) is one of the world’s fastest growing sports. As the “mixed” part of the name implies, athletes must integrate and excel at a variety of combat disciplines — from kickboxing to wrestling to jiu-jitsu.

That’s similar to screenwriters, who must hone a variety of skills from structure to style to dialogue. Indeed, to be successful in Hollywood, screenwriters have to create scenes that rise above their competition.

As a passionate screenwriter and mixed martial arts practitioner, I can tell you there are a number of lessons that can be learned from MMA to elevate your screenwriting game and make your scenes leap off the page like a flying side-kick.

If you think of your scenes as “fights” between characters — where each character wants to win (i.e. achieve their goal for the scene), your scenes will be much more powerful.

Add Conflict

When fighters don’t engage each other, they usually receive a chorus of boos from the crowd. The screenwriting equivalent is that your readers get bored, skim pages or stop reading your script.

A surefire remedy to keep them interested, is to up the conflict. That doesn’t mean throwing a fight into every scene, it means adding a realized (or threatened) element of verbal or physical “combat.”

Take this scene:

INT. STARBUCKS COFFEE SHOP – DAY

JEROME (17), testosterone in a t-shirt, and KATIE (17), sexy but studious, share a table.

JEROME

What are you up to Friday evening?

KATIE

I’m heading out with some friends.

Kinda boring, right? But if we add some simple conflict?

INT. STARBUCKS COFFEE SHOP – DAY

JEROME (17), testosterone in a t-shirt, and KATIE (17), sexy but studious, share a table. Katie takes a long sip of her double chocolate frappuccino.

JEROME

I’m still waiting for an answer.

KATIE

Chillax. I’m busy Friday evening, okay?

More interesting now right? A little bit of conflict or tension goes a long way.

A Different Agenda

Quite often you’ll see a classic striker versus grappler match. The striker wants to keep the fight standing, while the grappler wants to take the fight to the ground.

Giving the characters in your scene, two different agendas, can make your scenes more engaging.

JEROME

I’m glad you agreed to meet with me. I’m really looking forward to getting to know you better.

KATIE

Excuse me? I’m here because you hired me to tutor you in Algebra.

Avoidance

There’s a UFC fighter named Lyoto Machida. Until recently he had not only won every single fight he had ever been in — he had won every single round! That’s quite an achievement. He did it by avoiding his opponents.

One way to add tension to your scenes is to have one of your characters try to avoid the “attack” (i.e. agenda) of another character. If one character is trying to set something up and the other character isn’t biting, it makes the scene more interesting.

KATIE

Do you see how factoring lets you find those two numbers?

JEROME

I know I’d like to factor your number.

Actions Not Words

In MMA there’s always a lot of trash talking before the fight (and often during the fight). But when the cage door closes, actions speak louder than words.

Try going through your scenes to see if any of them would be stronger if one or all of the characters simply let his actions do the talking.

JEROME

I’m just saying, if your clothes distract me from learning, maybe that’s your fault. Your lessons come with a money-back guarantee right?

Katie slams her coffee cup on the table, launching her chocolate frappuccino into the air like a geyser. The liquid splatters across Jerome’s face.

JEROME

Is that a “no”?

Tap Out

Let’s review these screenwriting mixed martial arts lessons for improving your scenes:

  • Add Conflict
    Find a way to add conflict to your scenes and you’ll engage the “crowd.”
  • A Different Agenda
    Give your characters different agendas in your scenes, to ratchet up the tension and interest.
  • Avoidance
    Have one of your characters completely avoid or ignore another character’s attempts accomplish something in the scene.
  • Actions Not Words
    Sometimes the most powerful statements aren’t made with words.

Hone your full set of screenwriting skills, have your characters fight to “win” each scene, and your script may be in fighting shape to win you a contract.

***

The Scriptwriters Network, founded in 1986, is a non-profit, volunteer-based organization created by writers for writers and industry professionals.  The Network serves its members by enhancing their awareness of the realities of the business, providing access and opportunity through alliances with industry professionals, and furthering the cause and quality of writing in the entertainment industry.

For more information, please visit their website.

Need someone to review your screenplay? Please take a look at my script services.

Category: Scenes, Writing  | 5 Comments
5 Big Things To Sweat About Author: Trevor Mayes May 30

Sweat The Big StuffSweat The Big Stuff

I’m sure you’ve all heard this inspiring set of rules before:

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  2. It’s all small stuff.

The truth of the matter, however, is that when it comes to screenwriting, that message couldn’t be further from the truth. While the devil may be in the details, your script lives or dies in its broad strokes.

Prom Date

Here’s a quick metaphor to illustrate what I’m trying to say…

STUDENT

Is my prom date’s dress hot or what?

CONCERNED FRIEND

I guess. But dude, your date is a chimp.

STUDENT

Okay now you’re just being rude.

CONCERNED FRIEND

No, I mean your date is literally a chimpanzee. Does your dad work for the circus or something?

STUDENT

The zoo.

CONCERNED FRIEND

Ah.

Awkward silence.

STUDENT

Smokin’ hot dress though, right?

It doesn’t matter how hot your scenes are, if your script is a chimp!

5 Things

Here are five BIG things you should sweat over, long before worrying about things like correct formatting, clever descriptions or upping the tension in a particular scene:

Concept

Concept is probably the most important aspect of your script. If you have a fantastic one, readers/producers will be more likely to forgive minor problems.

When you tell people about your concept, do they ooh and ahh? Do their eyes light up? If it’s a comedy, do they smile or laugh? Do they immediately connect with the material. Make sure you have a winning concept before you start writing your screenplay.

True story. I once had a woman pitch me the following sole movie concept: “It’s about a black Hollywood producer who has a small dick.” FAIL!

Character Motivations

By the time a reader reaches the second act of your script, he/she should be able to answer at least two fundamental questions. The first one is: “What does the protagonist want?” Make sure the answer to this question is clear and primal.

“My protagonist is just kinda going with the flow at this stage of the script.” FAIL!

Rooting Interest for Your Main Character

The second question a reader should be able to answer by the start of the second act is: “What do I want for the protagonist?” Depending on your story, this may, or may not, be the same thing as what the protagonist wants. But either way, at this stage, the reader should be rooting for your main character(s).

Moreover the reader should have an implicit understanding of where the story is going, and care about that direction.

READER: “I hate the protagonist, so I don’t care if he finds his lost doughnut… not that I would have been at all interested in that anyway.” FAIL!

Overarching Story

Have you provided a solid structure and an engaging plot?

Do cool or powerful things happen in your story? Have you fulfilled the promise of the premise? Have you executed a story that maximizes the potential of the concept? Thrilled the audience? Shown them something they’ve never seen before, or in a way they’ve never seen it?

“Yes, it’s a global apocalypse movie, but we learn what happens through first person accounts only. It takes place entirely in one interview room.” FAIL!

Theme

Is your movie about something? The movies that leave an impact on us are the ones that teach us something, or, at the very least, have something to say that will resonate with audiences. Something specific.

“The theme is danger.” FAIL!

***

Do you have all of these bases covered in your script? Or are you taking a chimp in a pretty dress to prom?

Any “big stuff” you would add to the list? Please post in the comments section.

Need someone to review your screenplay? Please take a look at my script services.

Category: Characters, Concept, Plot, Structure, Theme, Writing  | One Comment
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