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Archive for the Category "Style"

Sunday Pop Quiz Dec 28

Sunday Pop Quiz

There are at least seven ways to improve the following short script excerpt. Can you find them all?

INT. PATRICIA’S HOUSE – UPSTAIRS – BEDROOM – DAY

Patricia is sitting at her computer. She looks at her monitor, then angrily KNOCKS on it.

PATRICIA

Come on you damn poltergiests! I know you’re in there!

Wow, that was hard to write that junk! When you’re ready, scroll down for the answers.

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1. The Slug Line

The structure was correct (starting with the general and moving towards the specific), but it’s even better to keep scene headers as brief as possible, while still maintaining clarity. Simply write it as follows:

INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – DAY

Depending on how you’ve framed the scene sequence, or other locations in your script, you could also use:

INT. PATRICIA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY

You would only include the “UPSTAIRS” if Patricia had another bedroom elsewhere in the house. Even then you would probably be better off using: “INT. PATRICIA’S UPSTAIRS BEDROOM – DAY”

2. Don’t use the passive form of a verb (i.e. “is sitting”)

I covered the basics of this rule in a previous article. So is the following correct?

Patricia sits at her computer.

Well yes, and no. There’s more to the story…

3. Try to avoid using the verb “sits”

Usually you can eliminate this verb. If an individual is at a computer or diner or table or desk or chair, etc. — it’s understood that they are sitting. Give us a more qualitative verb or even combine some of the ideas.

That leads us to…

4. Try to avoid using the verb “looks”

There are certain verbs that are just lazy (looks, walks, gets… please see my previous article). They give us no insight into Patricia’s state of mind and lack a descriptive punch. See if you can come up with something better.

Taking the above points into consideration we would be left with something like this for the first part of the description:

Patricia gawks at her computer monitor.

5. Try to avoid using adverbs — just come up with a better verb

Sometimes there’s no getting around using adverbs, but usually there’s a stronger verb just waiting to be utilized. “Angrily KNOCKS” — yuck! Just use a verb like: “pounds.”

Before we tidy up the description, we need to take a look at the next point…

6. Don’t capitalize sounds if they’re made by actors on screen

In a spec script, it’s debatable whether or not you even need to capitalize sounds at all. But if you do, you wouldn’t capitalize a sound that the actor produces on-screen through their live interaction with the environment.

So an improvement to the description would be:

Patricia gawks at her computer monitor. Pounds on the screen.

Note: I’ve taken out the “then” from the original line, but it was a stylistic choice. Sometimes using the word “then” can help delineate two actions that occur at different times.

7. Spelling!

Did you catch it? The word “poltergeist” was misspelled. Don’t forget to spell check your work!

Here’s the updated script excerpt:

INT. PATRICIA’S BEDROOM – DAY

Patricia gawks at her computer monitor. Pounds on the screen.

PATRICIA

Come on you damn poltergeists! I know you’re in there!

How did you do? Any other obvious things I missed?

It’s amazing how many problems can exist in such a small section of script. Make sure you don’t make the same mistakes.


Category: Style  | Leave a Comment
Are your slug lines naked? Dec 23

What’s a slug line?

It’s another way of saying “shot heading” or “scene heading.”

What’s a naked slug line?

A naked slug line is a scene heading that has no direction below it — only dialogue. It’s considered bad form to jump directly into dialogue without first setting the scene.

There’s no minimum number of words that you must use for your scene description, but there should always be something written.

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Here’s an example of BAD form:

INT. BRANDINE’S ICE CREAM SHACK – NIGHT

BRANDINE

What can I git fer you fellers?

And here’s an example of GOOD form:

INT. BRANDINE’S ICE CREAM SHACK – NIGHT

Two wide-eyed boys approach the counter.

BRANDINE

What can I git fer you fellers?

Quite often the temptation to use a naked slug line will spring up in the following situations:

  • When you’re jumping back and forth between quick action scenes that you’ve already established
  • When you’re using secondary scene headings
  • When you want to connect the dialogue from the previous scene to the dialogue of the new scene

In all these cases, resist the temptation to omit the scene description. Just throw in a few words. It’s proper form and won’t leave your slug lines looking so exposed.


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Discontinue CONT’D Dec 12

The Continuing Use of CONT’D

I’m still seeing a ton of people using “(CONT’D)” unnecessarily in their scripts, so it’s time for a quick rant post.

In years past, it was common to use “(CONT’D)” whenever a character’s dialogue was broken by action or scene description. For example:

FRAZZLED TEACHER

Who can tell me how many human blood types there are?

Dracula Jr. raises his hand.

FRAZZLED TEACHER (CONT’D)

Anyone else?

The “(CONT’D)” above is completely unnecessary these days.

The Hollywood StandardWhitespace is Good

Anytime you can eliminate something and gain more whitespace, that’s a good thing. It makes the script feel lighter and easier to read.

Many screenwriting programs will have the “(CONT’D)” enabled by default, so you’ll have to turn that option off. For example, in Final Draft, you would go to Document -> “Mores and Continueds…” Then deselect the “Automatic Character Continueds” option.

The Exceptions

It’s still important to leave the bottom of the page: “(MORE)” and the top of the page: “(CONT’D)” in place, wherever a dialogue block breaks onto the next page.

And if you’re writing a shooting script, you would still use CONTINUEDs for scene breaks across pages.

Also, this rule only applies to film writing. If you’re writing a spec script for a television show, be sure to follow the established guidelines (i.e. half hour television shows would still typically use “(CONT’D)”).

More Information

If you’d like to continue your investigation into “CONT’D” and its various uses, I highly recommend Christopher Riley’s book: The Hollywood Standard: The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Script Format and Style

In it, he goes so far as to say (in bold):

Marking continuing speeches is no longer standard practice in Hollywood and hasn’t been for at least 20 years.

That sounds pretty decisive.

Category: Formatting, Style  | 3 Comments
Cut the CUT TO: Dec 09

CUT TO: -- a pink unitardOften times, the trickiest part of screenwriting isn’t finishing your first draft — it’s paring the dang thing down to 115 pages or so! Every line becomes critical. It’s therefore key that we don’t use any superfluous transitions.

I’m lookin’ at you CUT TO: !

Transitions (directions for the visual movement between scenes), like CUT TO:/DISSOLVE TO:/etc., should be used infrequently (if ever) these days in your script.

Fair Use

You should only feel the need to use CUT TO: in instances where the movement from scene to scene does not follow a logical flow, and may cause confusion for the reader. One legitimate use would be if your script involves parallel action that takes place in separate locations.

Another legitimate use would be if you’re jumping around in time (where the action isn’t a FLASHBACK). I read a script recently where CUT TO: was used very effectively to jump between several couples being interviewed by the same psychiatrist over the course of a day.

Questionable Use

You’ll also see CUT TO: being used where the dialogue or action of one scene ends abruptly and transitions us to the next scene (indicating their connectedness) — often to humorous effect.

For example:

COOPER

It’ll be a cold day in hell before you’ll see me in that!

CUT TO:

INT. THEATER – NIGHT

Cooper, red-faced, squirms on center stage in a tight pink unitard.

It’s not technically incorrect to use CUT TO: in this way, however, in my opinion it’s unnecessary. The above scene would be just as comprehensible and would work just as well (or better?) without the CUT TO:

So if your script is running long, I say cut the CUT TO: in the above type of scenario (or better yet, don’t use it in the first place). You’ll save two lines. Carry that forward through your entire script and you may save a precious page or more.

What’s your take on CUT TO: ? For me, if it’s used too often, it just stands out like… a pink unitard.


Category: Style, Transitions  | 5 Comments
10 Rules For Using Parentheticals Nov 23

First, what are they?

Parentheticals, or actor/character directions, or “wrylies,” are those little descriptions that sometimes appear after a character’s name, in dialogue blocks, to spell out tone, intent or action.

In the poorly written example below (see Rule #1), the parentheticals are “(breathlessly)” and “(confused)”:

The Loyal Squire bursts through the door. Collapses on the ground. Pulls a bloodied envelope from his pocket.

LOYAL SQUIRE

(breathlessly)

I may not live... to see tomorrow my liege... But I die knowing... that I have served thee well.

KING

(confused)

I’m sorry. Who are you?

10 Rules for Using Parentheticals

1. Don’t use parentheticals when it’s redundant or obvious

It’s a common mistake to use parentheticals in places where the emotion or intent of the dialogue is already obvious (my example above, for instance).

Many actors dislike parentheticals — it’s their job to interpret the emotion, etc. of the scene based on the dialogue provided. So it’s very important to use them sparingly for emotional cues, and only when it would otherwise be unclear…

2. Use parentheticals to avoid confusion

Take the following dialogue, for example:

GRANNY

How did you like my stew? It’s an old family recipe.

BILL

I hated it.

That’s very different than the following (especially when developing a character):

GRANNY

How did you like my stew? It’s an old family recipe.

BILL

(sarcastically)

I hated it.

3. Don’t use parentheticals  to direct minor actions

Similar to Rule #1 (where you’re needlessly directing an actor’s emotions), it’s also a faux pas to overuse them for an actor’s actions.

Example of POOR usage:

DOUG

(index finger massages his right temple)

There must be a way out of here. We have to think.

ELANOR

(purses lips)

I can’t come up with anything.

DOUG

(scratching neck)

Have you tried opening the door?

ELANOR

(shaking head)

No, not yet.

Leave the decisions of those minor actions up to the actor. In the example above, all of the parentheticals should be removed.

Note: If your character has a specific quirk, that’s pivotal to your story, you have a bit more leeway in this regard. But even then, you may be better off including such mannerisms in a line of description.

4. Use parentheticals for quick, significant actions

Often times, you can save several lines by slipping quick and significant actions into the dialogue block. And since some execs only read the dialogue blocks of a script to save time, this practice can even provide some much-needed clarity.

Example of GOOD usage:

GARY

Son of a bitch. You got blood on my shirt!

(kicks the body)

And now my shoe!

5. Parentheticals should never come at the end of a dialogue block

Example of INCORRECT usage:

SCOTT

I told you not to disturb me!

(throws pen at the door)

If the action follows the dialogue, simply pull it out and make it a separate line of description:

SCOTT

I told you not to disturb me!

He throws his pen at the door. It rebounds. Hits him in the eye.

6. Don’t use parentheticals for the actions of a different character

While one actor is speaking, you can’t describe another actor’s actions.

Example of INCORRECT usage:

PETE

There are ninjas all over the place!

(Bruno steps to the window)

What are we gonna do, man?

Instead, you would use:

PETE

There are ninjas all over the place!

Bruno steps to the window. Stares bug-eyed.

PETE

What are we gonna do, man?!

7. Don’t use parentheticals for sounds or camera directions

Example of INCORRECT usage:

FRED

(WIND HOWLS)

We need to get to that house on the hill!

SHAGGY

(steps INTO FRAME)

Like, you mean that creepy one everyone said was haunted?!

Instead you would write something like:

The WIND HOWLS. Whips at the group’s hair and clothes.

FRED

We need to get to that house on the hill!

SHAGGY

Like, you mean that creepy one everyone said was haunted?!

I left out the “steps INTO FRAME” part. Don’t specify camera directions (in your spec script) unless they’re critical to the comprehension of your scene. Leave that up to the director. (See The 5 key differences between spec and shooting scripts)

8. Don’t capitalize the first letter of parentheticals

Example or INCORRECT usage:

BRAD

(Gritting his teeth)

I couldn’t be happier.

Example of CORRECT usage:

BRAD

(gritting his teeth)

I couldn’t be happier.

9. Use correct punctuation in parentheticals

In those rare cases where you need to specify multiple actions in your parenthetical, don’t use periods, dashes or ellipses.

Example of INCORRECT usage:

WOLFGANG

(looks up from clipboard... smiles -- waves them through with gun.)

Don’t worry. I will not waste my time with you.

First of all, that’s a lot to put in the parenthetical. The first two parts, if not all the parts, should probably have been written as scene description. But for purposes of this exercise, semi-colons are the answer…

Example of CORRECT usage:

WOLFGANG

(looks up from clipboard; smiles; waves them through with gun)

Don’t worry. I will not waste my time with you.

10. Don’t use a pronoun to start the parenthetical

Example of INCORRECT usage:

DAVE

(he winks at Betty)

Sure, Sarah, I’ve always thought you were the prettiest.

Instead, you would simply write:

DAVE

(winks at Betty)

Sure, Sarah, I’ve always thought you were the prettiest.

For an expanded investigation of the correct way to use parentheticals, I highly recommend the following Amazon books:

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