This isn’t really a review of The Lovely Bones, so much as it is a “What if?” game. That is, what if the movie Ghost had made some bad script choices?

Unlike all of my other reviews, this one is teeming with SPOILERS, so if you haven’t seen The Lovely Bones (or Ghost for that matter), and you want an unbiased viewing experience, click the Eject button now.

After looking forward to seeing The Lovely Bones on Blu-ray for many months, I finally got my chance a couple nights ago… and was completely underwhelmed. Some great novels just don’t work really well as movies (Dune anyone?), and The Lovely Bones is one of them. (Note: I haven’t read the novel, so I’m judging the movie on a standalone basis. I have no doubt that the novel is brilliant).

So why didn’t the movie work so well?

Let’s ask some “What If?” questions about the similar, yet hugely successful¹, movie Ghost for the answers. Obviously the two movies are different kinds of ghost stories, but the differences illuminate why one was a hit and one was a box office disappointment.

Ghost: What if Patrick Swayze’s character (Sam Wheat) spent his time passively watching events unfold in the world of the living?

In The Lovely Bones, the murdered girl, Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan) spends A LOT of time just hanging out in her gazebo watching events unfold. There are few if any active attempts to communicate with her loved ones or test her ability to interact with the living world.

In Ghost, Sam goes nuts trying to communicate with the living world, test his abilities and stop the killer. He finally learns how to manipulate objects, and possess a spiritualist, in a way that feels plausible for a ghost. It makes him a very active protagonist.

In movies, unless there’s a ton of voice-over, we don’t get to hear the protagonist’s thoughts and decisions. We can only go by what we see on film.

So if in a book, all of the active elements come from internal processes, you’ve got to translate that into viewable actions. Apart from a flickering reflection and some sort of emotional influence over her father in one scene, we didn’t get to see Susie as active, and the momentum ground to a halt.

Ghost: What if Molly Jensen (Demi Moore) was in no immediate danger?

In The Lovely Bones, months… years pass by without any immediate threats. Sure we get a few lascivious glances from Stanley Tucci’s character, but he’s not actively pursuing anyone.

There’s one scene where we see him creating a hunter’s blind — presumably to stalk another victim. But which victim? Maybe he’s going after Susie’s sister. Maybe not. I shouldn’t need to read the book to find that out.

In Ghost, we know that Molly is in danger. And it doesn’t come after months of seeing Sam lurking about in an ethereal plane. It happens right away. The threat is immediate, the stakes are high, the tension is ratcheted up, the pace is quickened and the movie is more thrilling.

Ghost: What if Sam spent much of his screen time in a dreamlike world?

In The Lovely Bones, Susie walks through a forest that changes seasons with every second, runs around on a Super Mario Galaxy planet, and frollicks in other purgatorial dreamscapes with lots of icicles. Visually, it’s all very cool, but little of it moves the plot forward.

In Ghost, Sam spends his time more wisely (at least in terms of the audience’s benefit), learning the rules of his world. He does all the things that we’d try to do — especially if there were hints as to his ability to interact with that world.

If you spend too much time with a protagonist in their own dream-world, the tension evaporates because, well… anything’s possible, and nothing can happen to the character because she’s already dead. This was the main problem of the movie, What Dreams May Come (Production Budget: $85 million/Domestic Gross: $55,382,927)

Ghost: What if at the end of the movie the bad guy got away and Molly got no closure?

There are lots of screenwriting axioms, but “Make sure you have a strong ending” must be near the top of the list. The Usual Suspects is a really good movie, but the ending makes it the stuff of legend. Unforgiven is a really good movie, but the ending provides a lasting visceral punch.

The ending of The Lovely Bones leaves much to be desired.

There’s a wonderful scene where Susie’s sister breaks into Tucci’s home to uncover evidence that he’s the killer. All of that scene’s power is immediately undone by the ludicrous scene that follows.

Susie’s sister rushes into her house, seconds after being chased by Tucci, with evidence of his involvement in her sister’s death. And what happens? Does she breathlessly explain how she was nearly captured by a child killer and that he might be getting away or, worse yet, still chasing her and possibly endangering the family?

Nope, she waits until after her mom’s sudden homecoming. And even then, she hesitates before showing her grandma the evidence. I’m sorry, but narrowly escaping from your sister’s killer, with evidence of his crime, trumps the family reunion.

From there it gets worse.

Tucci gets away and there’s a ridiculous scene where he drops off the safe with Susie’s remains inside to a sinkhole. Instead of parking next to the sinkhole, he parks like 100 feet away. He then has to laboriously flip the damn safe end over end for about 5 minutes to reach the hole. I think it was meant to build suspense, but it just came across as laughably unrealistic.

What’s worse, our protagonist rushes back to the scene, giving us hope that she’s going to do something to stop him from disposing of the evidence. Instead she inhabits the body of an older girl for that last kiss she never got — a kiss from a now much older man.

Eventually Tucci meets his end, but Susie’s family doesn’t find out. Does anyone ever find out?

Final Thoughts

The setup of the movie is good. But other than the strong acting performances, the film is wholly unsatisfying.

I respect directors that attempt to be true to source material, but maybe there are some stories that do not translate well to the silver screen. I’m a big Peter Jackson fan, but my feeling is that he spent too much time worrying about the fantastical worlds, to the detriment of the story’s narrative.

What can I say? It ain’t Ghost.

Have you seen The Lovely Bones? Read the book? What are your thoughts?

As with all my reviews, there will be absolutely NO spoilers. Sometimes even trailer moments will be excluded from my discussion. I hate it when surprises are ruined for me, so I’ll never ruin them for you! – Trevor

In the weeks leading up to the release of Kick-Ass, I had been very concerned about the way the movie had been marketed to mainstream audiences, and how that might affect its opening weekend.

With the final numbers now in, it appears my suspicions were correct. While Kick-Ass managed to squeeze past How To Train Your Dragon to win top spot in the weekend box office battle, the numbers were far from… well, you know.

Why didn’t it dominate the weekend box office?

Most of the TV commercials I saw (excluding those redband trailers only available on the net) portrayed the film as a campy kids movie. It almost felt like there was a disconnect between the people that made the film and the suits who marketed it.

The ads seemed to be saying: “Look everyone — it’s McLovin dressed up as a superhero. Oh the absurdity. You kids are going to love that.”

Or, “Check out the little girl who plays dressup and uses language that would make a sailor blush. That’s a clever gimmick dontcha think?”

The problem is that Kick-Ass is not that movie. It’s much much better.

It’s NOT A Kids Movie

The director (Matthew Vaughn) and the co-screenwriter (Jane Goldman) do a really nice job of anchoring the movie with realistic moments and scenes. Yes Virginia, there are tragic consequences to dressing up as a superhero and trying to fight crime.

This movie goes from being light-hearted and fun one moment, to being brutally violent and shocking the next. And that’s why the movie works so well. When the $#!t hits the fan, the humor isn’t forced.

Unlike other movies where the wisecracks completely extinguish the tension and the reality of the moment, this  movie gets it right. People react authentically to the various situations.

It’s something that all comedy screenwriters should take note of. In situations where the stakes are high, any humor in the scenes should flow organically from the actions and situations themselves, otherwise you risk taking the reader/audience out of the moment.

Sometimes that means you can work in a joke, sometimes that means you can’t (or shouldn’t). Give your audience a laugh in the scene that follows the intense one, and they’ll eat it up.

The Actors Play It Straight

There’s no Tommy Lee Jones, Two-Face style villain, cackling like a cartoon character in this film. The actors all play it straight; they don’t ham it up for the camera. That grounds the movie and makes it believable.

The always impressive Mark Strong does a brilliant job as the ruthless crime boss.

Nicholas Cage is fun to watch as a disturbed father with questionable parenting skills.

But the actor that steals the show is Chloe Moretz as Hit-Girl. After seeing her scene-stealing performance in 500 Days of Summer, I suspected that she would be the new “It”-Girl. This movie removes all doubt.

Nice Touches

There are some really nice touches and surprises in this movie. The first act sorta plays out the way I thought it would, based on the TV ads. From the second act on, however, this movie finds its rhythm and really shines.

The fight sequences were very original, from filming style to weapons technology to choreography (though some of the action was definitely “inspired” by Equilibrium).

There were also some really clever lines, surprising plot developments and character arcs.

Final Analysis

Plain and simple — if you enjoy watching great action or action-comedy movies, you’d be remiss if you didn’t see this one in the theater.

The movie’s not perfect. For example, the protagonist and his friends are no where near as interesting or enjoyable to watch as Hit-Girl and her father.

But when Kick-Ass is good, it’s really really good. Check it out.

Have you seen it yet? Post your thoughts below.